All That Glitters Is Greed
Why are Americans, descended from revolutionaries who fled and defeated the British, so enamored with the British monarchy? Why are Commonwealth subjects all over the world mourning the death of Queen Elizabeth II?
The possibility of real-life fairytales coming true? The schadenfreude of high-profile scandal when they don’t?
Or because sometimes, perhaps, humans are just crows with egos. We like shiny things and we want more of them.
“Pharaohs, kings, and emperors. There’s always a fascination.” — Michelle Huber
The human ego, not just the American id, covets wealth and power. We want prestige. And when we have neither, we watch Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, MTV Cribs, and Real Housewives. We read celebrity gossip rags and fantasize about lifestyles we can only imagine. We buy lottery tickets and hope.
Animals of all species fight for the best nests and the best mates. The Japanese puffer fish spends 24 hours for a week straight making complex and mathematically perfect sand art to attract his ideal mate.
Female jacana birds fight each other for the best breeding real estate on land while the smaller weaker males fight over floating patches of sea kelp.
We all want the best we can get.
Animals don’t envy as a pastime. And living vicariously is not just an American pastime. Escapism is as old as humanity and common worldwide.
Living vicariously is a brief reprieve from fire season, the climate crisis, police brutality, and the staggering cost of capitalist living that will never keep pace with inflation.
Of all the boring but abiding sitcoms, Everybody Loves Raymond was popular enough for a Russian spin-off. But for Voroniny, the producers wanted nothing to do with an exhausted messy housewife with a basket of dirty laundry on her hip harping about her ungrateful family — even a pretty wife. They wanted glamour, not relatability.
When the scriptwriters went to Russia they were told no one wanted to be reminded of their daily struggles and meddling inlaws. They wanted excitement, sequined beauty queens and powerful men.
In Quesería, Mexico a migrant camp for sugarcane cutters has satellite dishes on almost every corrugated metal roof or affixed to the cinderblock walls. They want to watch soccer and telenovelas. Entertainment has a temporary way of buffering hopelessness. And sometimes distraction is the only thing you can afford.
If you can’t change your life you can at least feed your imagination.
But the particular fascination with the British monarchy sidelines and almost absolves imperial evils on a global scale.
“No institution helps obscure the crimes of empire and buttress class rule and white supremacy as effectively as the British monarchy.” — Chris Hedges
The newly crowned King of England is now the head of state of Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Jamaica, Belize, Papau New Guinea, and eight other “realms”.
The question continues to be asked, why does the monarchy still exist in the modern world? And more importantly, why is it taxpayer-subsidized?
At its height the British empire controlled almost a quarter of the world’s population and land mass. Today the royal family is worth an estimated $27 billion USD.
Kings are not the slaves of history, as Tolstoy would have us believe. They are most often the villains. What does blue-blooded billionaire white privilege offer its subjects?
“The royals are oligarchs. They are guardians of their class.” Chris Hedges says. “The British public will provide a $33 million subsidy to the Royal Family over the next two years, although the average household in the U.K. saw its income fall for the longest period since records began in 1955.”
What else could the UK do with $33 million every two years?
PricewaterhouseCoopers and the UK’s Crisis.Org estimate that homelessness by 2041 would cost £19.3bn. But they also value the benefits and cost savings at £53.9b
Although education is free for students until age 18 in the UK, the cost of one year at university for UK/EU residents is $13,050 USD and the average, though widely varying cost for international undergraduates is $33,915.¹
Empires can’t change their pasts. The English might now seem like a harmlessly quaint little island of tea drinkers but a modern monarchy could dramatically change the future.
Instead of spending hundreds of millions on “royal duties” and “official engagements”, what if even half that money was spent on housing and education? Particularly for diaspora descendants?
The Crown Estate, established in 1961 by parliament to manage land holdings puts 15% of annual profits into the Sovereign Grant — that is, money that goes directly to the royal family. Estimates put the previous two years at a total of £86.3 million² — significantly higher than the estimated $33 million USD for the coming two years.
Lack of transparency and consistent reporting on public taxation are two more problems with anachronistic institutions but the larger enduring issue is that unelected officials are paid celebrity salaries.
Dynastic wealth redistribution is as unlikely as it is idealistic but it’s also what every empire owes those displaced through endless invasions and interventions — including the post-WWII American empire.
Resource reallocation won’t resurrect the millions of lives marginalized, enslaved, and destroyed by colonialism. But in a world where the sun never seems to set on inequality and injustice, using your wealth for good is the only power worth adulating and celebrating on the international stage.